Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Big Loo is Very Happy to See You!

I suppose that if I were to create a robot with a goal to make him as non-threatening as possible, naming him "Big Loo" would be high on that checklist, along with giving him a genuine smile pretty enough for an album cover, fantastic summer colors, the ability to shoot ping pong balls from his hand and water from his belly button. Then I could take a step back, nod my head in satisfaction, light up a pipe (because I imagine most robot builders still smoke pipes) and exclaim "Big Loo, you are totally off the hiz-ook."

Note how I am completely side-stepping the penis-missile head? That was a private choice, my friend, which I prefer not to discuss. Not until I'm ready.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I Don't Wanna Be Like You!

For die-hard collectors of all things Jungle Book (all three of you), the crown jewel surely must be this rather strange figurine of poor little feral Mowgli. While modestly covering up his nipples for us, he nevertheless seems to be unleashing the mother of all diarrhea, hence the facial expression. Yes, they don't make them like "Bowel Explosion Mowgli" anymore.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Micro Agression Indeed...

Um... er.... um... yep, there's your sad and wickedly appropriately labeled Chris Benoit action figure.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

PowerPinch: Worst Transformers Figure Ever

In honor of the Transformers movie opening today, it was a natural to seek out the worst Transformer figure they ever made. This honor has to go to "PowerPinch"... I think he was one of the Beast Wars characters, but I don't really care. He's got the least threatening name ever, as scary as "SuperSlap" or "ThunderSqueeze"). Plus, he's got noodles hanging off his arm, so that was the killing blow. So PowerPinch, don't feel bad about not being cast by Micheal Bay... I hear the GoBots have some empty seats at their table. Zing!